Category Archives: Friendship

Feels.

You seem distant,
But not gone.
To endless conversations at night,
Which used to last till dawn.
The longing to hear your voice,
Comes to my mind now and then.
Such posts remind me of you,
Asking me our next meeting is when.
The answer to this question,
Is as lost as it can be.
But the heart hopes for sure,
That the time is not too far to see.

(Some relations are beyond anyone’s understanding.)
♥️

The Untold.

Log kehte hai “Pyaar dosti hai”. Ki agar woh meri sabse achi dost nahi ban sakti toh main usse kabhi pyaar kar hi nahi sakta.
Par, mere liye “Dosti pyaar hai”. Ki agar main usse sabse zayada pyaar nahi karti toh woh mera sabse acha dost kaise hoga.

Beetein waqt ko sudhar nahi sakti.
Joh gum diya tha usse bhula nahi sakti.
Ab joh sambhali hoon thori si,
Tum se yeh duri badha nahi kar sakti.

Never longed to meet someone so much. Never longed to meet him so much. The recurring thought of running towards him and giving him a *tight* hug never seems to tire my mind.

Yeh waqt cheez hi aisi hai,
Joh itna intezar karvati hai.
Dil ko sambhalna ho jata hai mushkil,
Yeh itna usse machla joh deti hai.

Time and perception play a fun game with us. Time remains constant but the perception of time enjoys messing our heads up. Time seems to pass by with a blink of an eye when we want it to be slow so that we can enjoy every single moment. But sometimes it’s so slow that one second feels like a lifetime when you want it to pass by within a flick made the finger.

Khushi joh tumse mil kar hoti hai,
Woh tum kya jaano.
Dil mein sab chupane ki koshish rehti hai.
Par yeh aankhe dhoka dena se Peeche kabhi nahi hati hai.

The eyes reveal what the heart tries to hide. The smile on my face also doesn’t stay back to tell all about my cries. You have a way to look right through me, like an open book I’m to you. Read me again, till you’ve known everything. The darkest of fears, the brightest of ideas. ‘Cause it keeps missing you like you would miss your coffee in the milk.

😊

Channa Mereya

Sachchi mohabbat shaayad wahi hai,
Jis mein junoon hai, jis mein junoon hai.
Par do dilon ki yaari mein bhi to,
Kitna sukoon hai, kitna sukoon hai.
De ke mujhe teri judaai mere rab ne mujhe paighaam diya.

Here, I am sitting under the big blue dark sky, looking at those twinkling stars and gazing at the moon. I’ve the ear phones in my ears, one song on repeat and just one thought in my head.
(Wish he was here so I could just hold him and sit, not utter a single word and just enjoy the silence.)

The song I’m listening to says:
In true love there is immense passion no doubt, but friendship of two hearts, this pure bond is filled with an ocean full of peace.
And through our separation, my God has conveyed this beautiful message to me.

This songs melts my heart or lifts it up. It pulls me down or pushes me up. It electrifies every nerve ending in my body or ends up making everything numb. It takes me back to the first time I met him or to the next time I’m longing to meet him. It reminds me of the happiness of the relationship or its sadness. I don’t know.
All I know it is magic. Yes, magic. It does something beyond my understanding. Makes we feel weird, in probably all ways. The song is like a drug. It drowns me in each and every lyric of it. It takes me to a place where I feel everything the song wants me to experience, like a parallel universe. Where nothing else matters.
Isn’t that what music does? But this song! It’s does it on a totally different level.

🙂

He’s always missed.

Happy Birthday Harvey!

Na Kuch Poocha, Na Kuch Manga

Tune Dil Se Diya Jo Diya

Na Kuch Bola, Na Kuch Tola

Muskura Ke Diya Jo Diya

Tu Hi Dhoop, Tu Hi Chau

Tu Hi Apna Paraya

Aur Kuch Na Janu, Bas Itna Hi Janu

Tujh Mein Rab Dikhta Hai, Yaara Mein Kya Karun

You take care of me like a little baby, you tease me like a little sister and you have deep conversations with me like a friend. 🙂

I still don’t know what I mean to you. But I hope I always have a special place in your heart no matter how many people come in or go out of your life. The cute annoying little constant of your big adventurous life. 😛

hey

It’s your birthday. 25th of April. The day is finally here. I know you don’t get much excited for birthdays but I hope this time I could make one exception. From talking to your friends to completing your gift, all I wanted to be right next to you on this day. Irritating you, annoying you, jumping around the house wishing you, eating your head up, give you squirmy hugs and just not letting you. Making you sing, dancing like crazy. Me being high on you and you being high on alcohol. Going for a long drive with beautiful music in the car. Walking down the beach, enjoying the sound of the waves and talking about anything and everything.

But, reality had to kick in and take this all away. Manipal and Kolkata, miles away, the distance keeping us apart. Everyone is getting to meet you and here I am getting super jealous of it. Well, making me jealous is probably the easiest thing for you anyway. But when the day ends and all are gone, go to your window, grab a smoke and dial Donna on your phone. This silly girl will be waiting to hear about all your day.

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You better have a kickass day and enjoy for the both of us. Because it’s your day. You deserve to be happy and you deserve to celebrate.

So many emotions being felt, so many thoughts running around me head, that it is next to impossible to write down anything properly. But, all I can think of is you. Just smiling and enjoying every bit of today. I don’t want to say how much you’ve done for me or what I have done for you or anything much related to that, all I know is we have a different chemistry. Something that no one, trust me, no one in this world can understand leaving the two of us. And that is more than enough.

Having you beside me. Happy days. Sad days. All days.

Your Bachcha to Your Donna,

Forever.

Iloveyou ❤

Story Of The Butterfly.

She wants to be a beautiful butterfly,

But it is difficult to see someone crush her in front of my eyes.

20 years of staying in her cocoon, she knew it was finally her time to flap those wings and finally turn into what she had always dreamed of. Going to places and exploring worlds was just the tip of the ice berg. This pretty butterfly would always want more.

The time slowly came close. Every anxious moment felt long. But deep down her heart she knew it would be all what she has been looking for. To get out in the big world. Show everyone her colourful enormous wings.

Flap! Flap! Flap to every place,

And leave a little colour with perfect grace.

But the world was very different. Every moment felt like in a cage and every urge was to go back to the cocoon because she thought she couldn’t face all this. But giving up was not in her blood. She was caught between the struggle; all by herself she had no clue what she wanted to do.

Fought like a warrior and conquered all hearts.

She made a little place in everyone’s chart.

Happiness, did give up in the end and knocked the heart of the little butterfly hoping it could enter her life. Singing and dancing she welcomed him, making the best of the situation was something new she had learnt.

Jumping to places and trying out new things were in full speed. The wings had finally gained its pace and stopping was the last thing she had in her mind. She slowly became a part of the sunshine. Rose in the morning, spreading her wings like light, people waited for her even for a single sight.

But as nothing lasts forever happiness had to leave. But giving her hope that he will come back soon. She let the door open.

Comes in the human, trying to befriend our precious butterfly. Not knowing she is to be loved from a little distance and not by catching her in the fist. Little did our butterfly knew, what was in store for her. She thought best of the world and put her faith in that human.

Everything seemed perfect for a while. Countless moments and beautiful memories were getting stored in her mind. But as I said before, nothing lasts forever. Things had to change that’s how the universe functions.

Little did she know she would be caught,

Every breath of hers taken by the human felt like a draught.

Now the end seems near, but the butterfly seems to struggle in every possible flare. Happiness said he would be back, all our eyes are on that. Little precious doesn’t deserve it. The world has so much more for her that awaits.

The longing of flying again keeps her alive,

In the hope that one day she will survive.

He Was Others Whiskey Lover But My Coffee Person

When I looked in the mirror,

That’s when he noticed.

The smile of mine was queerer,

But a smirk on his face floated.

 

Calling him a junkie was just a start,

As the prank call before it was also a part.

I could say anything but not depart,

But deep down I knew he was smart.

 

The clock would strike midnight,

And this Cinderella would hear from him.

Conversations lasting till sunrise,

The stories seemed to never end.

 

The feelings grew stronger,

Day by day.

But she knew it wouldn’t last longer,

As forever was not theirs to stay.

None the less time spent well,

She would cherish it till the end.

Reminded by the coffee smell,

The memories she knew would be difficult to send.

 

Dark went every little things,

Once he walked away.

All she needed was her wings,

For the memories to slowly sway.

 

But then he came back being Harvey,

To the Donna she was now.

Still not being different from Bob Marley,

But everything was different she didn’t know how.

 

Ups and downs,

Were the new favourites.

The music sounds,

Of their voice were sweeter than chocolates.

 

Times they would cherish,

Both of them knew.

Something they didn’t want to perish,

As they would be stuck with the blue.

 

But moments were becoming memories,

As time took a flight.

Every glimpse seemed like centuries,

When not meeting each other seemed like a night.

 

Love and hate,

Joy and sorrow.

People thought we were on dates,

But the least we could care ‘bout what came tomorrow.

 

Things still did end,

As they were supposed to.

But she knew in her heart a string bend,

When she saw they were left with nothing but adieu.

 

Forever Is Where We Start From.

“Every day may not be good but there is always something good in every day.”

Can you imagine finding someone who stays? It is pretty difficult, right? We are living in a world where ‘forever’ comes with a time limit. All I can see around me is relationships having problems, people fighting, years of connection between people being broken in a matter of seconds. I am not trying to be a pessimist but this is the story of majority of people I know. Goods things happen. I won’t deny this fact. But maybe, lately I have seen a lot of things go wrong that’s why I have come to doubting the whole concept of ‘forever’. Maybe it is true that people come, play their roles in our life and go, that’s how the cycle of life works.

But. Beyond every wrong doing, every important thing in life which got messed up because of some reason or the other, beyond everything, I found him. Yes. He is one person for whom I can actually thank my stars, after all that we have gone through, the ups and downs, the fights and smiles, we couldn’t have been closer to each other. He is not my boyfriend. He is not my brother. He is not even my best friend. But he is always there. Somehow calling him a friend seems a little less but there is no one word that can describe this relationship. And when I actually think, I feel there is no need to give it a name. Some people just click and connect and it is there. Putting the feeling into words never seems to do justice to the bond we share.

Forever. When he says it, you know he means it. Every single letter coming out of his mouth makes you believe in it. That yes, when some people say ‘forever’, they actually mean that when we turn 99 years old we’ll be sitting together and smiling about the fact that he proved me wrong, that he stayed with me forever and is still here telling me “I told you so…”.

I don’t think that I have always been there for him. Because trust me I haven’t and I am not really proud of this fact. I screw up a lot when it comes to him. I do. That’s not how I usually am with people who care about me. But yeah, I won’t even flinch for second before saying that he has always been there for me, in sickness and in health. He has been there when I am all happy and crazy about something, making me feel even better for acting insane and he has even been there when I am all sad or unwell, cranky or unbearable, behaving like a total kid, going all indifferent in my worst of moods. But there hasn’t been a moment when he left my side.

People say you should do something so good and selfless for someone that nothing in the world could repay what they did for you. This very day I can say that he has done so much for me, forgiven me, that no matter what I do it will never be equal to what he has done for me.

So…  Can you imagine finding someone who stays? It feels like heaven, like magic, like happiness all around. For some of you it would feel like hell being way more bearable than normal.

Having someone who stays feels good and safe, like home. Sweet home.

🙂

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Some Dark Nights Never End

I lie down on my bed every night before I sleep… take out my phone and look at your picture. I stare at that beautiful smile and keep wondering what went wrong? What went so wrong that things became difficult between us? That what happened to you? What happened that you became like this? And every single night I blame myself for all of it.

I close my eyes and remember every single moment I spent with you. Sometimes it feels like it was yesterday when we used to pour our hearts into those simple words, but sometimes it feels another life time, when I look back at the times nothing could go wrong or no one could ever come between us.

Every night I sleep, I tell myself that I’ll be the girl who meant so much to you, the next morning I get up and all the next morning I get up. But the moment I talk to you, the coldness inside you feels so strong that my warm heart breaks in front of it.

I keep hoping that one day or someday you’ll come back. You’ll be the friend you always were. The one, who used to shower all his love and affection over this little girl, but that day, goes on distancing from me the moment I feel it’s almost here.

It feels so right to be with you, to have you around all the time, but at the same time it even feels so wrong when I place it in my reality. It’s like you are there and still seems like we are miles apart.

I feel that I have to compete with all your friends because they always seem to so better than me in any aspect you pick up. Things become even more difficult when I don’t even know where do I even stand in your life or do I even mean anything to you or my presence even makes the slightest difference in your life.

The worst question of all is the one that keeps killing me from inside, is that do I still have the power to make you smile…?

Tiny Little Believer Losing Her Belief

It hurts. It hurts every single day. How can someone I love make me feel so small, so little that I feel worthless? How can a person drive a sword through my heart and expect me to be all happy about it? How can someone make me feel so terrible that I’m being forced to think that I am the worst person living among millions of other human beings in this world? How can you treat me like shit and at the same time expect me to love you back? How can you just put all the blame on me and not even expect me to say a word in my defense? How can you compare my feelings to that of someone else’s and expect me not to feel insulted? How can you say that I don’t feel the same way I used to do? Are you the one going through the pain? Are you the one staying up all night crying to yourself and waking up the other morning as if nothing happened? Are you the one putting a fake smile on your face every day you step out of your house? Are you??

Judging me in every little thing as if I have a hidden agenda just because I feel for you? How can you make me feel so shallow, so miserable? How??

Am I actually so small? So unimportant that I deserve to be treated like this? Have I not gone through enough struggles in my life that you HAVE to make my life worse for me every single day… Or every single second I breathe on this earth? Haven’t I done any good deeds in my life that could help me ask God to reduce my suffering? Have I behaved so badly with people that it’s now my time to pay back?

After everything I have done, every time I stood by you in your troubles, accepted the facts of life with you, does it actually come down to this? Does it actually come down to NOTHING? Every time I cared, every time I made an effort to improve our friendship, no matter how difficult things were getting between us, I THOUGHT it still meant something to you and you still end up doubting me on every road of our friendship.

But ‘reality’ just blew on face. I was wrong. I was wrong all the way long. I don’t mean anything to you. I’m equivalent to not being there in your life only. You are so ignorant when it comes to me that I feel like I am invisible not just to you, but to all the people around me. I feel so messed up that I try to suppress EVERY single emotion I feel because you just sunk this thought in me so deep that the “more you care, the weaker you are”. And tell me who wants to be weak in this world, in this world with people like you?

The more power I give you to hurt me, the more badly you do it.

I had always put OUR friendship over MY feelings. But it is so sad that you NEVER understood this and kept bringing my feelings between us. You no more understand me or maybe you never did and it was just an illusion that I had created in my life.

It has been a very very long time since you cared about me, only I couldn’t see it.

Forever Free For Monkey Meetings :P

As the clouds slowly take over the sky, the memories of school, in my mind flash by. Looking at the rain falling from the distant sky, I sit there recalling all the good times that I had spent in my life. 🙂

It was his first day of school when I saw those innocent eyes. Those tiny little feet that made their way through the crowd into the huge school. Remembering the time when I used to give my bag to my mother and would carry his bag with me, so that he did not have to take the load. Going back together in the same carpool was all the memory I had of him for a few years. Whenever I used to pass by the blue gate at the entrance of his house’s lane, would always remind me of the time we used to drop him home after school.

And soon time passed by, he grew in his world and I in my. I had forgotten that we both were in the same school also; before I again saw him in the volley ball court with those same innocent eyes he has of his mother. 😛

My school was getting over; there were hundreds of people I would never see in my life again. So I decided to thank everyone, whom I had known since I entered school, for being there in my life and having a small, but important role in it. A list of people was made so that I could make sure I didn’t miss anyone.

Finally Mayank’s name came. I typed the whole thank you part and back spaced it… It had been ages since I had my last conversation with him. I was obviously not sure that should I send it or not. Finally with a lot of courage I retyped the whole thing and pressed the enter button. And thought for a second “God only knows what is going to happen next…” And to my surprise his reply was “Yes! We’ll stay in touch for sure.” It felt like warmth in that winter season. Annddd… That is how we started talking once again…

312400_10151406055091293_485986677_nHe is one of the best people I have come across in my life. The most decent guy I could ever meet till date. Trusting him is so easy that at times it feels as if he is too good to be true. But, that no way stops me from sharing my silliest thoughts with him. It is one of the easiest things to have a conversation with him. He is that small kid who still loves watching Tom and Jerry but on the other hand, like all boys is a car freak. When he feels cold in winter, he feels cold and doesn’t think even for a second before admitting it. I can have my five minute depressed conversation with him and again get back to laughing at the most random thing. There is this charm he has with people which allows him to get away with everything he does. He is one person who surely knows how to be in the good books of his friends and other people around him. 🙂

Those long walks, the stupid conversations and the silly volley ball shots, I am going to miss everything. Calling him monkey and posting all those random photos on his wall, knowing he gets annoyed by them. I know it is not the end and we’ll stay in touch. But still… I am going to miss him more than I thought.

It is strange how suddenly we have come to know each other so well and I hope things continue to be as good as they are now between us. I hope he stays in my life so that I don’t get a chance to miss him only.

(A little courage helped me get my friend back.)

Love you hamesha and forever Monkey :*

He Made Me Feel How Freedom Felt :)

Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans.
― John Lennon

I love surprises and Life has never failed to surprise me at any moment, be it in a good way or a bad way. I have learnt that nothing is permanent in our lives; happiness, sadness, friends, family, money or even things. Everyone has a small role to play, once they are done with their task they leave us and go. And it is bound for us to keep moving on with our life or else we will be left behind. And there will be a moment when it will be difficult for us to find our self. So it is better to start accepting things as they come or make such an effort so that we are able to change the things in our life.

I partly accept things as they come to me and partly take a risk to do things my way. The second half of my attitude has made me make big blunders in my life, but the first half has at times given me more than I deserve. Or maybe it is just that I value or appreciate the happiness I get a little more than others do, as I know how terrible it feels to go through the bad phase.

Last night I was lying on my bed and recalling all the events that happened during the day. Suddenly a thought passed by and I realized no matter how much my life is fucked up, it does not take my share of happiness from me.

May 3, 2013 was one of the longest days of my life that I actually enjoyed. Getting up at 5.30 in the morning and waking AB up. Making sure he comes to teach me. Lying down on the bed half asleep and asking myself ‘Am I dreaming or is he actually going to turn up?’ After 15 minutes my phone starts to vibrate and I somehow managed to look at the name flash and answered the call. 15 minutes and he would be there at my door step. I got up from my bed, washed my face, checked my call log once again to assure myself that I was not dreaming and suddenly realized that he was actually coming. He was there helping me with the study material for a few hours and soon we bid each other good bye by telling it was a pleasure meeting. He went back to his life and so did I. After struggling from my law and math tuition I headed back home, had lunch and rushed to my school for some paper work. Aaaaaannnddd surprise, surprise! He was also there. He was the last person I was expecting to crash into. (But.. Didn’t I tell you, I love surprises 🙂 )

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We spoke to each other as if there was this unknown trust between us which was so strong that we didn’t have to think twice before telling something. He walked me back to my house and the whole time I was looking at him and wondering is he the same person I used to see in school? The same one whom I made sure I was not near him or his group. And now the same person looked so different to me. He was mischievous and funny but yet so simple and comforting. Everything felt so light and so good. The day was my escape from reality. I felt free, maybe just for a few hours, but I could feel freedom all around me. Trust me at that point nothing could have felt better.

Friends help us make things so simple for us no matter how complicated the solution might be. But at least we know there is a solution and if not they do help us to take a break.

I have come to another conclusion that we should not judge people on how they look or with whom they hang out or spend time, it totally depends on who they are from within and how good they make us feel. And it feels good to feel the lightness of life. The feeling of having things in life without strings being attached to them, away from darkness and the gloomy world.

I am not sad because the day passed by knowing it will not come back to me soon, but I am smiling because I lived every moment of that day.

Keep Smiling 🙂

Has The Difficulty Level Actually Risen?

Is it so difficult to stand by me? Even after everything I did for you or am still doing for you? Is it actually so difficult to be a little easy on me when I am in my transition period? My school just got over, I gave my boards and from the third day I had my CPT tuitions started. The happiness of my boards getting over didn’t even fade away that I had to get back to studying. I even over looked the part where you didn’t even bother asking me how my exams went. When all my friends did, people I didn’t expect, even they asked me how they were and you didn’t even have the time to send me a message.

Career problems have taken over my life. Things are becoming difficult for me day by day and my attempt in making everything normal fails every time I try to convince myself that I will find a way out through these problems. It is not that I am not capable of doing what is expected for me. It is just that I am not sure is it actually what I want to do.

But even after all the chaos and confusion in my life, I try to be normal when it comes to talking to you. I try my best to send you a good morning wish no matter how late I might have slept last night. I even try to understand that you are facing a lot of changes right now; things are going pretty bad in your life too. But the point is I understand or at least I try my best to understand and you don’t even try to understand me.

You know it is you who has the power to make me smile when I have tears rolling down my eyes; it is you who has the key to my heart. You have always known the perfect thing to tell me so that my happiness regains its flow in my body. But what has happened to you now? Why can’t I see you beside me?

Why don’t you understand I can only be weak in front of you and no one else? It is way easier to open my heart in front of you and tell everything that I feel instead of explaining it to someone else. Why don’t you understand? Do I make it so difficult for you to stand by my side and support me? I am not even asking you to save me. All I ask for is your presence in my life, your voice ring through my ears once a day so that I can calm myself down from whatever that is happening in my life.

I know you need to talk to many other people, you need to call them, I even told you I will make an initiative to call you so that we can talk. Why don’t you understand I can no more see you? I can no more see that smile from a distant and feel safe. I can’t make all the effort to keep this friendship going on. I need you to at least give me one reason to stand by you and I will give you all I have. Just one reason will be more than enough for me. Is it so difficult to do that also?

The saddest part is you know everything. You know how I feel and you even know how to make me feel better. But you don’t do anything to comfort me. Even if you do, at times it is too late. Till that time I might have already gone through a lot. Maybe you understand everything. But tell me, why understand me so well when you are going to pretend that you know nothing.

Be there for me now. Make me feel your presence in my life now. I need you now.

Is it actually so difficult?

Happiness Does Make Me Feel Content :)

Life is as complicated as we want to make it. Truly said by someone that it is not the problem in our life which is the problem; it is our attitude towards the problem which decides the intensity of it. People can only hurt you till the time you love them. You win, when you stop caring. It is as simple as that. But I know it is not that easy to implement it in our lives. But, yes if we really want to solve a problem in our life and get over it, no matter how much time it takes or no matter how much pain we have to bear. There will come a day when we actually find a ray of light in our dark life. Ummm… Not even a ray of light, there will surely come a day when you come out in the sunshine and play under the infinite sky.

Live to love (13)

Then you will suddenly start hoping for the moment to stay forever and that it never ends. But from my personal experience I suggest, it will be better if you don’t hope anything like this because as sad moments don’t stay forever, even happy times don’t. But this thought should no way stop you from enjoying the moment to its fullest. It is better to value what you have at the right time rather than regret it being what you had in your life.

Till yesterday it seemed like forever the last time I actually laughed my heart out. But today life has something better in store for me. Not that I haven’t suffered much or I am still not suffering. It is just that the wonderful moments I spend with my friends compensate for all the pain I have to go through. It feels heavenly when they do everything to make me smile. Even I do my part by being a good listener, a support system. But at times it feels as if they give me a little extra happiness than what I deserve, which in turn makes me feel more special. Small gestures make so much of a difference in my life.  That smile which I give to comfort them, the hug that I wish could never end. That drive that shows me a new dimension of the city I live in. Playing video games after ages and realizing how much I missed it.

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It is true, I am blessed by wonderful friends in my life which help me find a new way to happiness no matter how twisted the road might seem. It is a little difficult to write down when I feel happy and I still can’t figure out why. But by no chance it lessens the intensity of my happiness. Maybe I just want that feeling to stay within me so that its value or worth doesn’t diminish in my heart.

I am happy and it obviously feels good. I don’t know for how long it will last. But I will enjoy it, treasure every second because life is very uncertain. What I have today might not be with me tomorrow. The reason can be anything. Maybe the role of that person in my life would soon end and I would have to move on. But I don’t want to end up regretting anything. I have the opportunity to be happy now, to smile like I have never been hurt and I will live it to the fullest. Because I know what I have gone through and it is now my time, it is time for me to be happy, to be selfish and only care about people who love me with all they have. All I want them is to realize everyday they get up in the morning is that I love them today, I will love them tomorrow. This is all I have and this is the most I can give and they deserve every bit of it because it was them who were awake with me on all those dark nights when I used to stay up just to cry my heart out. So now when I am happy not only because I want to be but because they were always there to motivate me to smile even when my life had a rainy phase. It is time for me to do my bit to make sure even they smile.

I feel good. And it feels better when I am a reason behind someone else’s smile.

🙂

I Might Not Have Everything That I WANT, But I Have Everything That I NEED.

I always wanted someone to get down on his knees, holding a rose in his hand and confessing his feeling for me. Him being the first one to start my day and the last one I end it with. A person, who would fall for my smile over and over again no matter how many times he sees it. Making me feel like I am the most special person in his life, spending ample time with me so that I don’t feel like an unwanted person in his life. Someone who would trust me, respect me and never forget to show how much he loves me rather than telling me how much he does, I always wanted a fairy tale type Prince in my life who would make me feel like a princess. Who would actually prove the fact of “Happily Ever After” in my life and make me come alive.

Then comes a moment when I realized, think before you wish for something, it might just happen. The wish of my life came true. I guess I found someone who could give me what I wanted for so long. I would no more had to feel lonely; no more nights would pass by crying me to sleep. I could actually see the moments or things I had always wanted in my life actually find a way to reach me.

I always wanted more fairy tale moments or a beautiful, magical life. But it is not something I NEED in my life. I feel complete without being emotionally involved with someone. I feel content even when I don’t have a lover in my life. I am happy with whatever I have in life. My family, stud best friends 😛 and my wonderful close friends. There were times when I felt that there was a vacuum in my life, I used to feel empty, it used to feel as if I was missing something in life. But it is not true. I have been blessed by everything I need in my life.

Plus Economics and Business Studies have taught me to satisfy my needs first and then go for the things I want. The feeling I got when I felt content from within was out of the world. It was so calming. I felt complete even with all the flaws around me, within me.

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Maybe it is not necessary to have a boy friend in life. Sometimes we are complete in life without a few things being in it. And the fact that I love someone else.. Ummm.. my love for him is Pure. All I want him is to be there in my life. Give me a part of him. I guess that is all I need. He makes me believe in unconditional love. Though I do expect a few things from him, which is but natural as it is human nature to expect. But he makes me happy even with the smallest gesture of care. And I realized this is all I need and want in my life.

I have learnt how not to classify love, not to love people by the relationship tag. Love should be pure. If I love someone means I love that person. I can’t justify myself by how much I love him/her. Love doesn’t have boundaries, it is limitless, infinite.

At times we should get what we had always wanted in order to realize that we already have what we need. 🙂

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Serendipity Surprised Me..

Serendipity. The occurrence and development of events by chance in a happy or beneficial way: A fortunate stroke of serendipity came into my life and here I am seeing my smile reach my eyes. 🙂

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It is surprising how people can suddenly enter my life and become such an important part of it that it never seemed they even existed in my reality a few days ago. It is weird how easily I can get attached to someone in just a few hours (maybe) but sometimes hundreds of conversations also don’t seem to satisfy the confusion of trusting a person fully.

How can I start caring for someone so much or enjoy their company all of a sudden? Talking for hours also might seem to be insufficient. Laughing out loud while recalling the funny incidents and on the other hand getting a little depressed also after listening about the tragedy of life. It is surprising to get along so well with Rc when the age gap seems a little too much. It’s true that age never acts as a barrier in relationships, people just click and that’s how a fresh friendship starts. 🙂

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There is this jittery stuff I feel in my stomach. Happiness flows through my body and reaches my soul when I talk to him or think about the moments spent together. He helps me make my life simple, makes me believe in dreams coming true. Randomly telling me about the sunset looking good and I don’t even realize that I am already looking at the sky, wishing I could go to the terrace and enjoy the feel, get consumed in that silence of nature. Being a listener at times feels good. I sigh, I blush. I smile and wonder why. All I had was a faint memory of him, looking stick thin in school uniform, running from here to there.

You should trying letting your mind open; heart feel because you never know something good might be there in store for you. Don’t cry too much, someone might fall for your smile. Don’t wait for happy moments to come, make the moment happy for you.

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It is difficult to be simple. But it is simple to be happy. 🙂

Acceptance Is Necessary At Times.

I don’t care what people think about you and me. You are my friend and I’m proud of this fact. That doesn’t mean I’ll go on telling stuff about you to people. That just means that I’ll proudly accept that you are my friend and expect you to do the same. It doesn’t mean that we’ll break each other’s trust. It just means we won’t care what people have to say about our friendship. I don’t want to care about other people’s reactions. I don’t want this friendship to be a secret. We both know there is nothing to hide then why behave in front of people that we don’t know each other? All I want us to be like normal friends. I don’t want boundaries or conditions or restrictions in our friendship.

Accepting our friendship in front of everyone and telling people about is two very different things. The last thing I want is to hide something. You are a part of my reality. Why are we running away from this fact? Please don’t mistake it by me going on telling people about us, revealing our secrets or anything. All I want is to be accepted. I don’t want to think twice before starting a conversation with you in public or maybe commenting on your Facebook photo. I just want it to be normal, simple.

It is not about people, it’s just about the two of us and the freedom of our friendship. Why does the situation have to be so complicated? Why does it have to be so difficult to even tell you ‘Hi!’ in front of two people? Why do I always have to find another way to get to you so that none of your friends see us talking? Why can’t we be like normal friends? It is not that I want to show off our friendship. It is just that I don’t want you to think what others have to say if I come up and talk to you or what they have to say if they see our friendship on a social website.

Why do you think so much? Why do you have to think to such an extent that you make things difficult for both of us? At times you should just go with the flow and let life show you what is in store for you. We can’t control everything that happens to us.. Can we?

I seriously don’t know how explain you what I want. But I really hope you understand what I mean to say, like you always do. And not end up judging me.

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Simple.

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Hoping For The Best, Letting God Do The Rest.

9th March 1995 came into this world, a little girl who is going to turn 18 in a month. The small little fingers have now grown long, the innocent girl has now come to the stage where she has to finally grow up into an adult, the little bruises that used to hurt her have now turned into heart breaks which increase the pain, that smile which used to come on her face by giving her a toffee, now comes when she gets a hug. And this girl is no one else but Me. 😛

But one thing for sure has not changed and I doubt it will ever change. That is, my birthday is the best day of my life. Nothing can replace the feeling, the excitement I get when this day comes closer and closer. Ever year I feel soo special on this day. Everyone in my life does everything possible to make this one day, the most memorable one for me. Though every year I am always a little scared because I am always unsure of what is actually going to happen on this day, what will they actually do for me and soo many questions just fill up my head. This is the one feeling out of all the excitement which calms me down as soon as there are just a few days left for my birthday. But I always end up having the best day of my year.

Every year I used to celebrate my birthday for a week. But this year things are going to be different. My boards will be going on and I will not be able to celebrate. 😥 I am somehow not expecting much from my friends. Maybe because everyone will be having their exams on. Or maybe I don’t want to be disappointed on my 18 birthday. It is going to be the worst feeling if something happens like this. All these years my birthday has been so good, its just that this year I am more of scared than excited.

I don’t want any gifts or presents or beautiful cards. All I want is, the first thing I see when I get up from my sleep on that day is my friends in front of me. All I want is to see ALL my friends whom I have know from my childhood till date do be there with me on this special day.

I am just hoping for the best and expecting the least. 🙂

I've been looking out of a window for eighteen years, dreaming about what I might feel like when those lights rise in the sky. What if it's not everything I dreamed it would be?

I’ve been looking out of a window for eighteen years, dreaming about what I might feel like when those lights rise in the sky. What if it’s not everything I dreamed it would be?

[What so ever happens on that day, I know it is going to be the best I could ever get.]

Friendship : The Best Relationship :)

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I am a teenager. For me, friends are my life. It is difficult to say who is my friend and who is not. Because there has always been a time in my life when someone comes like an angel, helps me get through the bad phase and then takes a back seat in my life.

Friendship is one relationship that means a lot to me. Because it has the least complications in it.

As a daughter, my parents expect me to grow up and carry out all responsibilities entrusted to me. As a sister, my brothers expect me not to go out for late night parties. As a girl, the society expects me to not let down my family’s respect by any wrong doing. BUT as a friend, my friends expect me to just be myself. 🙂

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Friends can’t listen when you tell them that you are low and don’t feel like talking, they can’t read if you leave a letter saying ‘go away from me’. Friends are just another creation of God, telling us that no matter how many good things come to an end, we have people to make our lives easy. Friends love you more than your lovers.

By definition friendship is the state of being friends.

But for me, Friendship is when I give my bag to my mother and carry his bag. It’s when I stay up all night on the other side of the phone to make sure I am there for him in time of need. It’s when I am out of text balance and she texts me Good Night with my reply too. It’s when I fight with him/her and still wait for them to call or message. It is when I say I’m okay and they look into my eyes and tell me not to lie. It’s when I get back to a person after years and still feel things haven’t changed. It’s when he tells me not to be shy and that he’ll do anything he can when I need him. It’s that hug which warms me in the cold winter. Its that silence in the room when I am with her doing my work, and all that matter is the presence of the person. It’s when I write a blog and she can connect with ever word of that post to her life. It is when I get mad at everything around me and they just sit there patiently and listen me crib about things. Its that smile which comes to my face when I look at them in the corridor. It is those silly volley ball shots that make me laugh even harder. It is those random conversations we have just to know each other properly. It is those calls which takes away the loneliness from my life. It is those long walks just to fill in each other about our lives. It is when I can’t stay angry for a long time because I have something important to say. It is that ‘Sorry’ we say because the person matters more than our ego. It is that loyalty which comes when the whole world is against me and they stand for my support. It is when I give up on everything and they never give up on me. It is that surprise visit I get just to cheer up my mood.

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Friendship is Love. Care. Affection.
And I am glad that I am blessed not only by one, but many friends in my life.

Keep your friends close to you. You might not know their importance now, but they all matter.
As we say “We need all the colours to complete our picture..”
🙂

Perfectly Imperfect

“LOVE”
I searched through Google, went through a few pages, even looked in the Oxford dictionary to find a proper definition or meaning of love. But none of them satisfied me. It is true, we cannot define love. It is just a feeling to be felt and cannot be put into words.

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From the past few days my life has been very weird, too much of confusion and complications. Someone loves me but I don’t love him back, I have someone else in my life whom I love. But I don’t want him to be my boy friend. Don’t get me mistaken. Because in today’s world having a boy friend and being with the person whom you love and who loves you back are two very different things. People are getting into a relationship just for the sake of it. Which kind of disturbs me.

I don’t want to get into a relationship. It somehow binds me. And I prefer being free. But I want a guy to give me those late night messages, those good morning calls. That smile only for me. Those fights where we end up telling  ‘Iloveyou’ and everything seems okay. Those tight warm hugs, that sweet little kiss. Wearing his over sized jacket and feeling just.. just perfect. Those long walks where you just hold his hand and it fits perfectly.I want him to just be there for me, to make me feel secure, to question me. To have those small arguments, fights with him. Him acting like a kid when my mood his off. I WONT be someone who will get angry because he didn’t text me or didn’t have the time to talk to me or just dozed off while talking to me. (I don’t get it why don’t people see the part that he didn’t want to tell you good bye that is why he trying to stay awake, but failed.) I want to be an important part of his life. NOT his whole life. Because the our friendship or whatever undefined relation I will share with him is not the only thing in his life. He has many other things, people around him, family and friends, and not just ME. I don’t want complications or those silly fights relating to not having your dinner or skipping a meal or staying up late at night and getting up early in the morning without having a proper sleep. It is cute at times but then it takes away all the space. I want him to look past my defects, accept me even with all my flaws and love me for who I am. A guy who will help me forget my past.

All I want is a  good company, a guy to vibe with, converse with and laugh with. Not in a rush, start off simple, and let the rest find itself. Having someone to talk to and feeling comfortable around them is beautiful, and it’s a good feeling.

I want someone who is Perfectly Imperfect. So that I can laugh at the mistakes he does, smile at the care he shows and love him with all I have. Be myself, get angry at him and calm down by just hearing his voice.

What I want seems a little complicated but still it is so simple.

🙂

#1The First Post On The Person Who Writes Like This

We all have a person in our lives whom we met in the most weirdest way and is now a huge part of our life. Even I have someone like this. Though I haven’t known him for a long time, maybe I am still struggling in understanding him at times. But I never give up on him. In these few days we have had our ups and downs. And apparently everything is going good in both of our lives. If not good, it is smooth. He is one person who can be a total self obsessed person and still make others like him. He is sweet and looks extra cute with his girl friend. They kind of bring out the best in each other. Though I don’t know much about the girl, she looks good with him. Its in her eyes..that somehow never lie.

Okay.. Too much about both of them. Coming back to him. He is a very good writer and now he has started a new blog. Sounds good.. Right? No. It is not good. Because I wont be able to read whatever he will write. It is going to be a secret one. It’s not fair. I always used to get soo excited to read whatever he used to write and now I wont be able to read it. It’s like he used to put my thoughts into his words. And now.. 😦

I really hope he mails me some of his writing so that I can read them. In my words ‘Achi Wali Feeling’ ayegi jab uska likha hua kuch padhungi. 🙂
Yes. After convincing you for ‘n’ number of times and you, not getting convinced a bit. I still hope. 🙂

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7 Months :)

Time flies. It surely does. Every month I wait for this day to come. This is one day when I always tell you that no matter what we go through in the whole month, no matter how many times you test my patience, you, yes YOU are a very big reason why I smile every single day 🙂

There is this one song which comes to mind whenever I think about you..

Bubbly by Colbie Caillat

I’ve been awake for a while now
You’ve got me feelin’ like a child now
‘Cause every time I see your bubbly face
I get the tinglees in a silly place

It starts in my toes
And I crinkle my nose
Wherever it goes I always know
That you make me smile
Please stay for a while now
Just take your time
Wherever you go

The rain is fallin’ on my window pane
But we are hidin’ in a safer place
Under the covers stayin’ safe and warm
You give me feelings that I adore

They start in my toes
Make me crinkle my nose
Wherever it goes
I always know
That you make me smile
Please stay for a while now
Just take your time
Wherever you go

What am I gonna say
When you make me feel this way?
I just, mmm

It starts in my toes
Makes me crinkle my nose
Wherever it goes
I always know
That you make me smile
Please stay for a while now
Just take your time
Wherever you go

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So what if we don’t talk as much as we used to, your importance hasn’t decreased in my life. You are the most craziest, funniest, cutest, most adorable, understanding person I have met. You make me feel like a total kid (though I always act like a 5 year old girl) you make me feel comfortable even when I am silly, a little dumb, lost, unaware of all the important things going on around me.
It does hurt a little when you tell that there is no one who will stand by you in your times of need. Just in case you forget, this 5 year old girl suddenly becomes matured when you need support.

My school is soon going to end.. I will have a new beginning in my life, but you will always be a part of it. I wont place you just as a friend in my life because you are a very very very close and special person for me.

You have always stood by me in times of need, no matter how much you say that you don’t care. But, there are times when I just want you to be there, to take me at my worst, to make me feel special, to just tell me that I mean something to you.

It always helps people to stick by others for whom they mean something. Words act as a ‘pull’ in the relationship.

And don’t hate yourself. We are all imperfect people trying to be our best, give our best to others. It is your time to enjoy life, live it to the fullest, these days are never going to come back. You have a whole lifetime to be a serious person and deal with all the things of your life. Make your own mistakes. Take decisions. But make sure you never regret anything in life. Do what makes you feel happy. After a few years even if things aren’t as good as they are right now, you’ll at least be satisfied that you ended up doing everything in your life your way.

But never make me feel that I don’t exist in your world. It will be the worst nightmare of my life. I have and will always be there for you. No matter how many times I will have to deal with your mood swings. I will be standing right beside you 🙂

You are perfect when it comes to irritating me and surprisingly your never fail to make me smile. I don’t think you have ever realised this, but the day we have a very good morning conversation, I am happy the whole day. Can’t believe so little can make such a big difference.

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I guess I fell in love with our friendship. I hope the strings of our life always remain connected to each other.

Iloveyou ❤

Hamesha and Forever :*

I Learnt It The Hard Way.

I am happy.

Even when everything seems so wrong outside, within me, I am still happy. Maybe it’s true. When life gives you a 100 reasons to be sad you should give it 1000 reasons to be happy.

Love. I actually don’t know what it means. But I know that it doesn’t mean to meet your soul mate or have a boy friend.

Love is when I wake up in the morning and hug my parents. Love is when my brother scolds me when he finds me talking to a boy late at night because he cares for me that I don’t fall for the wrong guy in my life. Love is when my best friend calls me up just to check that I am okay after a terrible night, texts me when she sees a bad dream. Love is when my friends write good things about me before I leave school. Love is that smile people get when I smile. Love is when a friend keeps his phone on vibration so that he gets up when I text him telling that I can’t sleep. Love is when I am about to cry and my friends behave all weird just to make me feel better. Love is when a teacher looks how old I have grown and I still make an attempt to smile at them, as they have made me what I am today. Love is when I get a message telling ‘I’m always there’. Love is when I suddenly get a call just because that person missed me. Love is when a person doesn’t let me cry.

Love is beautiful.Love is so much more than just having a boy friend or girl friend in your life. Love does not hurt you or make you feel lonely. Love is when you smile, when you laugh, when you feel satisfied. It is the best feeling in the world.
As said by Albus Dumbledore:

“Do not pity the dead, Harry. Pity the living, and, above all, those who live without love.”

Love can make you go crazy. Its beyond all logical. It is always around us. We feel it every moment. It just depends on us how much we intensify that felling within us.

(I am happy. And I will keep on telling this until and unless it comes true.)

I Love You

I don’t believe in the fact that people stay in your life for sometime, play their part and go away. Because I have someone in my life whom I love, have loved and will always love because she has been there when I didn’t even know the meaning of ‘Love’. She is no one else but Shivika. 🙂 Its been almost 14 years since we have known each other and more than 13 years since we have been friends or rather best friends..

13 years sounds soo long, yes it is actually very long. We actually have had innumerous number of moments and memories spent together. Its not like we haven’t gone through difficult times or never had fights or arguments. It’s just that we decided to stick to each other in all kinds of situations. Even when I gave up on everything, on her, she was always there. And the best part is she is still there. 🙂

I have learnt that it is not only actions but also words that help to keep up a relationship. I know I don’t tell her very often that how much it means to me, her being in my life. But all these years the feeling of this friendship for her has never decreased. It has always been there. Not only because I wanted it to go on but even because she made her best efforts to keep up with me, handle me, tolerate me and most importantly never gave up on me.

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From knowing each other as kids to being matured girls we have come a long way. From long walks to late night conversations. From a hi to a hug. From wiping tears to making each other laugh. From going away to staying close. From exchanging gifts to making cards for each other. From planning surprises to just meeting for a few minutes. I have loved you.

It is actually very difficult to write what I have felt all these years when you were around because it is just tooo much and this place is just soo small in comparison. But all I can say is thank you for always being there when I needed you and even when I wanted you. It really means a lot.

I love you.
Hamesha and Forever.
:* 🙂

Best Things In Life Aren’t Things :)

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