Category Archives: Help

Blogger’s Feels

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Blogging, music, art, sketching.

These are a few things that I can’t survive without. They help me escape, taking me to a whole different world. Where it’s just me and my thoughts.

It’s like they hold my hand and take me places, making me feel excited about feeling anything.

My head would probably explode if I leave (or stop) any of the above things. They help me create my horcuxs just like Voldemort did in Harry Potter, but in a good way.

To write is to believe.

To draw is to believe.

The letting oneself loose into music is to believe.

Sometimes belief is all we have.

☺️

Happy Birthday Harvey!

Na Kuch Poocha, Na Kuch Manga

Tune Dil Se Diya Jo Diya

Na Kuch Bola, Na Kuch Tola

Muskura Ke Diya Jo Diya

Tu Hi Dhoop, Tu Hi Chau

Tu Hi Apna Paraya

Aur Kuch Na Janu, Bas Itna Hi Janu

Tujh Mein Rab Dikhta Hai, Yaara Mein Kya Karun

You take care of me like a little baby, you tease me like a little sister and you have deep conversations with me like a friend. 🙂

I still don’t know what I mean to you. But I hope I always have a special place in your heart no matter how many people come in or go out of your life. The cute annoying little constant of your big adventurous life. 😛

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It’s your birthday. 25th of April. The day is finally here. I know you don’t get much excited for birthdays but I hope this time I could make one exception. From talking to your friends to completing your gift, all I wanted to be right next to you on this day. Irritating you, annoying you, jumping around the house wishing you, eating your head up, give you squirmy hugs and just not letting you. Making you sing, dancing like crazy. Me being high on you and you being high on alcohol. Going for a long drive with beautiful music in the car. Walking down the beach, enjoying the sound of the waves and talking about anything and everything.

But, reality had to kick in and take this all away. Manipal and Kolkata, miles away, the distance keeping us apart. Everyone is getting to meet you and here I am getting super jealous of it. Well, making me jealous is probably the easiest thing for you anyway. But when the day ends and all are gone, go to your window, grab a smoke and dial Donna on your phone. This silly girl will be waiting to hear about all your day.

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You better have a kickass day and enjoy for the both of us. Because it’s your day. You deserve to be happy and you deserve to celebrate.

So many emotions being felt, so many thoughts running around me head, that it is next to impossible to write down anything properly. But, all I can think of is you. Just smiling and enjoying every bit of today. I don’t want to say how much you’ve done for me or what I have done for you or anything much related to that, all I know is we have a different chemistry. Something that no one, trust me, no one in this world can understand leaving the two of us. And that is more than enough.

Having you beside me. Happy days. Sad days. All days.

Your Bachcha to Your Donna,

Forever.

Iloveyou ❤

Story Of The Butterfly.

She wants to be a beautiful butterfly,

But it is difficult to see someone crush her in front of my eyes.

20 years of staying in her cocoon, she knew it was finally her time to flap those wings and finally turn into what she had always dreamed of. Going to places and exploring worlds was just the tip of the ice berg. This pretty butterfly would always want more.

The time slowly came close. Every anxious moment felt long. But deep down her heart she knew it would be all what she has been looking for. To get out in the big world. Show everyone her colourful enormous wings.

Flap! Flap! Flap to every place,

And leave a little colour with perfect grace.

But the world was very different. Every moment felt like in a cage and every urge was to go back to the cocoon because she thought she couldn’t face all this. But giving up was not in her blood. She was caught between the struggle; all by herself she had no clue what she wanted to do.

Fought like a warrior and conquered all hearts.

She made a little place in everyone’s chart.

Happiness, did give up in the end and knocked the heart of the little butterfly hoping it could enter her life. Singing and dancing she welcomed him, making the best of the situation was something new she had learnt.

Jumping to places and trying out new things were in full speed. The wings had finally gained its pace and stopping was the last thing she had in her mind. She slowly became a part of the sunshine. Rose in the morning, spreading her wings like light, people waited for her even for a single sight.

But as nothing lasts forever happiness had to leave. But giving her hope that he will come back soon. She let the door open.

Comes in the human, trying to befriend our precious butterfly. Not knowing she is to be loved from a little distance and not by catching her in the fist. Little did our butterfly knew, what was in store for her. She thought best of the world and put her faith in that human.

Everything seemed perfect for a while. Countless moments and beautiful memories were getting stored in her mind. But as I said before, nothing lasts forever. Things had to change that’s how the universe functions.

Little did she know she would be caught,

Every breath of hers taken by the human felt like a draught.

Now the end seems near, but the butterfly seems to struggle in every possible flare. Happiness said he would be back, all our eyes are on that. Little precious doesn’t deserve it. The world has so much more for her that awaits.

The longing of flying again keeps her alive,

In the hope that one day she will survive.

He Made Me Feel How Freedom Felt :)

Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans.
― John Lennon

I love surprises and Life has never failed to surprise me at any moment, be it in a good way or a bad way. I have learnt that nothing is permanent in our lives; happiness, sadness, friends, family, money or even things. Everyone has a small role to play, once they are done with their task they leave us and go. And it is bound for us to keep moving on with our life or else we will be left behind. And there will be a moment when it will be difficult for us to find our self. So it is better to start accepting things as they come or make such an effort so that we are able to change the things in our life.

I partly accept things as they come to me and partly take a risk to do things my way. The second half of my attitude has made me make big blunders in my life, but the first half has at times given me more than I deserve. Or maybe it is just that I value or appreciate the happiness I get a little more than others do, as I know how terrible it feels to go through the bad phase.

Last night I was lying on my bed and recalling all the events that happened during the day. Suddenly a thought passed by and I realized no matter how much my life is fucked up, it does not take my share of happiness from me.

May 3, 2013 was one of the longest days of my life that I actually enjoyed. Getting up at 5.30 in the morning and waking AB up. Making sure he comes to teach me. Lying down on the bed half asleep and asking myself ‘Am I dreaming or is he actually going to turn up?’ After 15 minutes my phone starts to vibrate and I somehow managed to look at the name flash and answered the call. 15 minutes and he would be there at my door step. I got up from my bed, washed my face, checked my call log once again to assure myself that I was not dreaming and suddenly realized that he was actually coming. He was there helping me with the study material for a few hours and soon we bid each other good bye by telling it was a pleasure meeting. He went back to his life and so did I. After struggling from my law and math tuition I headed back home, had lunch and rushed to my school for some paper work. Aaaaaannnddd surprise, surprise! He was also there. He was the last person I was expecting to crash into. (But.. Didn’t I tell you, I love surprises 🙂 )

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We spoke to each other as if there was this unknown trust between us which was so strong that we didn’t have to think twice before telling something. He walked me back to my house and the whole time I was looking at him and wondering is he the same person I used to see in school? The same one whom I made sure I was not near him or his group. And now the same person looked so different to me. He was mischievous and funny but yet so simple and comforting. Everything felt so light and so good. The day was my escape from reality. I felt free, maybe just for a few hours, but I could feel freedom all around me. Trust me at that point nothing could have felt better.

Friends help us make things so simple for us no matter how complicated the solution might be. But at least we know there is a solution and if not they do help us to take a break.

I have come to another conclusion that we should not judge people on how they look or with whom they hang out or spend time, it totally depends on who they are from within and how good they make us feel. And it feels good to feel the lightness of life. The feeling of having things in life without strings being attached to them, away from darkness and the gloomy world.

I am not sad because the day passed by knowing it will not come back to me soon, but I am smiling because I lived every moment of that day.

Keep Smiling 🙂

I Need A Ray Of Light, A Hope, A Break.

light_of_hope_by_afif508All this while I have tried to keep myself up, tried to keep things together, done my best so that the people I love are happy. My life is going through a very rough phase from the past so many months. In the starting I thought it is just a matter of time that soon everything will fall into place. Days passed by, I kept my calm, convinced myself to fight every battle that I’m facing in my life by motivating myself every time I had to face a problem. I knew I was strong enough to get through anything that God has in store for me or else I wouldn’t be facing it in the first place. I felt the pain rush through my body every second, every minute of day. Still I didn’t lose hope. I couldn’t. I told myself.. It’s “ME” – The optimistic one. If I act as an integral support in other people’s lives I can obviously support my own self. I kept saying this to myself every day I got up from sleep, so that I could get through another eighteen long hours of my day. I never let the fire of courage lose its flame. With every sunny morning I would let the ray of hope pass through me, to give light to my life. Some days used to pass by in thoughts. I used to ask myself that how much power this HOPE actually has that till now it didn’t let me down, that till now it hasn’t made me give up on the people who hurt me the most.

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But.. Now I am tired. Tired of convincing myself that happiness is on its way and will soon come in my life. All the motivating seem false to me. All I feel like doing is giving up on me, on everyone around me. No matter how much people tell me the right thing, which should be done, doesn’t get into my head. It enters through one year and immediately exits through the other one.

I know I have made mistakes in my life, major mistakes. I am paying for them; I have always paid my part. Never have I ever tried to escape from it. But now, all I ask for is mercy. I am so vulnerable right now that I can break at any moment. Nothing in the world comforts me. I know I have to pay for my sins but all I am asking for is a little break so that I can regain my courage and get back to taking life as it comes, facing all the things I deserve to face in my life. Just a small break would be enough, enough to find the optimistic me and get myself back to smiling even after all the troubled phase.

Has The Difficulty Level Actually Risen?

Is it so difficult to stand by me? Even after everything I did for you or am still doing for you? Is it actually so difficult to be a little easy on me when I am in my transition period? My school just got over, I gave my boards and from the third day I had my CPT tuitions started. The happiness of my boards getting over didn’t even fade away that I had to get back to studying. I even over looked the part where you didn’t even bother asking me how my exams went. When all my friends did, people I didn’t expect, even they asked me how they were and you didn’t even have the time to send me a message.

Career problems have taken over my life. Things are becoming difficult for me day by day and my attempt in making everything normal fails every time I try to convince myself that I will find a way out through these problems. It is not that I am not capable of doing what is expected for me. It is just that I am not sure is it actually what I want to do.

But even after all the chaos and confusion in my life, I try to be normal when it comes to talking to you. I try my best to send you a good morning wish no matter how late I might have slept last night. I even try to understand that you are facing a lot of changes right now; things are going pretty bad in your life too. But the point is I understand or at least I try my best to understand and you don’t even try to understand me.

You know it is you who has the power to make me smile when I have tears rolling down my eyes; it is you who has the key to my heart. You have always known the perfect thing to tell me so that my happiness regains its flow in my body. But what has happened to you now? Why can’t I see you beside me?

Why don’t you understand I can only be weak in front of you and no one else? It is way easier to open my heart in front of you and tell everything that I feel instead of explaining it to someone else. Why don’t you understand? Do I make it so difficult for you to stand by my side and support me? I am not even asking you to save me. All I ask for is your presence in my life, your voice ring through my ears once a day so that I can calm myself down from whatever that is happening in my life.

I know you need to talk to many other people, you need to call them, I even told you I will make an initiative to call you so that we can talk. Why don’t you understand I can no more see you? I can no more see that smile from a distant and feel safe. I can’t make all the effort to keep this friendship going on. I need you to at least give me one reason to stand by you and I will give you all I have. Just one reason will be more than enough for me. Is it so difficult to do that also?

The saddest part is you know everything. You know how I feel and you even know how to make me feel better. But you don’t do anything to comfort me. Even if you do, at times it is too late. Till that time I might have already gone through a lot. Maybe you understand everything. But tell me, why understand me so well when you are going to pretend that you know nothing.

Be there for me now. Make me feel your presence in my life now. I need you now.

Is it actually so difficult?

Serendipity Surprised Me..

Serendipity. The occurrence and development of events by chance in a happy or beneficial way: A fortunate stroke of serendipity came into my life and here I am seeing my smile reach my eyes. 🙂

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It is surprising how people can suddenly enter my life and become such an important part of it that it never seemed they even existed in my reality a few days ago. It is weird how easily I can get attached to someone in just a few hours (maybe) but sometimes hundreds of conversations also don’t seem to satisfy the confusion of trusting a person fully.

How can I start caring for someone so much or enjoy their company all of a sudden? Talking for hours also might seem to be insufficient. Laughing out loud while recalling the funny incidents and on the other hand getting a little depressed also after listening about the tragedy of life. It is surprising to get along so well with Rc when the age gap seems a little too much. It’s true that age never acts as a barrier in relationships, people just click and that’s how a fresh friendship starts. 🙂

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There is this jittery stuff I feel in my stomach. Happiness flows through my body and reaches my soul when I talk to him or think about the moments spent together. He helps me make my life simple, makes me believe in dreams coming true. Randomly telling me about the sunset looking good and I don’t even realize that I am already looking at the sky, wishing I could go to the terrace and enjoy the feel, get consumed in that silence of nature. Being a listener at times feels good. I sigh, I blush. I smile and wonder why. All I had was a faint memory of him, looking stick thin in school uniform, running from here to there.

You should trying letting your mind open; heart feel because you never know something good might be there in store for you. Don’t cry too much, someone might fall for your smile. Don’t wait for happy moments to come, make the moment happy for you.

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It is difficult to be simple. But it is simple to be happy. 🙂

Simple.

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Friendship : The Best Relationship :)

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I am a teenager. For me, friends are my life. It is difficult to say who is my friend and who is not. Because there has always been a time in my life when someone comes like an angel, helps me get through the bad phase and then takes a back seat in my life.

Friendship is one relationship that means a lot to me. Because it has the least complications in it.

As a daughter, my parents expect me to grow up and carry out all responsibilities entrusted to me. As a sister, my brothers expect me not to go out for late night parties. As a girl, the society expects me to not let down my family’s respect by any wrong doing. BUT as a friend, my friends expect me to just be myself. 🙂

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Friends can’t listen when you tell them that you are low and don’t feel like talking, they can’t read if you leave a letter saying ‘go away from me’. Friends are just another creation of God, telling us that no matter how many good things come to an end, we have people to make our lives easy. Friends love you more than your lovers.

By definition friendship is the state of being friends.

But for me, Friendship is when I give my bag to my mother and carry his bag. It’s when I stay up all night on the other side of the phone to make sure I am there for him in time of need. It’s when I am out of text balance and she texts me Good Night with my reply too. It’s when I fight with him/her and still wait for them to call or message. It is when I say I’m okay and they look into my eyes and tell me not to lie. It’s when I get back to a person after years and still feel things haven’t changed. It’s when he tells me not to be shy and that he’ll do anything he can when I need him. It’s that hug which warms me in the cold winter. Its that silence in the room when I am with her doing my work, and all that matter is the presence of the person. It’s when I write a blog and she can connect with ever word of that post to her life. It is when I get mad at everything around me and they just sit there patiently and listen me crib about things. Its that smile which comes to my face when I look at them in the corridor. It is those silly volley ball shots that make me laugh even harder. It is those random conversations we have just to know each other properly. It is those calls which takes away the loneliness from my life. It is those long walks just to fill in each other about our lives. It is when I can’t stay angry for a long time because I have something important to say. It is that ‘Sorry’ we say because the person matters more than our ego. It is that loyalty which comes when the whole world is against me and they stand for my support. It is when I give up on everything and they never give up on me. It is that surprise visit I get just to cheer up my mood.

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Friendship is Love. Care. Affection.
And I am glad that I am blessed not only by one, but many friends in my life.

Keep your friends close to you. You might not know their importance now, but they all matter.
As we say “We need all the colours to complete our picture..”
🙂

Solving Problems

Problems. We always think that we act as a magnet for them, as they never leave us. If we are done dealing with one problem of our life, another one just suddenly pops up. And we always end up thinking ‘Why Me?’.

People. Everyone out there. Firstly you are not the only person overload with problems in your life. Everyone is struggling, be it rich or poor. Some people are just good at hiding it. So please don’t end up thinking that why out of thousands of people you are the one who is stuck in such a mess. Everyone’s life is difficult. The grass is not always green on the other side. For everyone their problem is the biggest. So please don’t make others feel that your problem is the most important thing in the world by neglecting their problem.

Now the part comes where we actually think that how can we come out of this mess. Firstly if you have a solution start working on it. If you know you can’t do anything about the situation. Then stop worrying and enjoy the confusion. Because as good days don’t stay forever, even bad phase doesn’t. See, the only reason why we have a problem in life is because we can get through it. And anything that doesn’t kill you, makes you strong. So, just take a chill pill. Dance in the rain rather than crib about the storm.

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Until and unless you really try to make things better in your life, things wont get back to being normal. There is no point in cribbing about your situation. Deal with it. Take decisions. Bring change in your life. If, by chance you are tired of dealing with things, go out and do something that you like, forget about the whole world for a while and what people will think or say about you. It is your life and no one can make you feel bad until you give them a chance to do so. Problems are not going anywhere until we solve it. So take a break from your life. You can get back to dealing with things from tomorrow.

You have tried being a total pessimist and things still haven’t worked out in your favour. So for once, listen to me and think positive. Yes, be an optimistic person. You will feel the change. Your problems will not go anywhere. But, you’ll have the courage to deal with them.

Keep smiling. 🙂

Lost My Smile.

I am losing it all. Everyday, every second of my life feels like it is killing me from inside. All I feel like doing is to give up on people, on things, most importantly myself. I feel empty from inside. It seems as if happiness has left me forever. It is not that I don’t smile , I do. When I am with my family and friends. But there is something missing. There is this pain in my eyes which doesn’t seem to go.

I used to love talking over the phone, never used to run out of topics, never needed an effort to keep up with a conversation. But now I just go blank. Its like I want to talk but I just can’t. My friends message me and I just don’t feel like replying. There is something that is pulling me away from everything in my life. 😦

Its not that my life is fucked up or something. It is pretty normal. Maybe simple is not what I want right now. I can feel the change inside me. Trust me it does not feel good at all. Maybe this month had too many bad events in it. This was the first time I saw someone go from my life forever. I saw my friends not understanding me at me worst. I came to know that I am not important to a person who means soo much to me. 😦

The reason I don’t share my thoughts with others is because either I feel their own life is soo messed and I don’t want to add another problem to their list or they are happy with everything around them that I don’t want to ruin their happiness.

I want to be free. I want to fly, high. Away from everyone, all the drama and the expectation. I want to be the old ME. The one whose smile makes others come alive. The one who always used to jump around, was full of life.

All the happiness in me seems to drain out of my body. The worst part is I just can’t figure out what is actually disturbing me. The fact that I don’t know what is disturbing me, disturbs me more. 😦

I NEED a reason to smile. (Can’t believe I am actually saying this.)

My smile has been lost somewhere. If you find it please send it back to me. Thank you..

Achi Wali Feeling :)

Happiness. By definition means a state of well-being characterized by emotions ranging from contentment to intense joy.

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In my life I have come across many happy moments, times when tears rolled down my eyes because I was soo happy, times when my stomach started aching because I laughed soo much. But we usually tend to forget all these moments when we are going through a bad phase and always question God ‘Why me?’ But I don’t get it He was the same person to give us all those wonderful memories in our life; there is obviously a reason why He is making us go through this tough time.

According to me, instead of being sad during the sad time we should be happy that now that we are going through such a terrible phase, God must have planned something very good beyond our imagination. And we should have a dose of difficult times so that we value the happy memories.

I once read in a poem “A thing of beauty is a joy forever..Its loveliness increase, it will never pass into nothingness”

Things that make me happy, jab achi wali feeling aati hai..

When I get up in the morning and rush to my mother to give her a tight hug and she smiles back and give me an even tighter hug.

When I sit next to my brother while he is driving the car, makes me feel how time flies and that he has turned 20 so fast.

When I get a morning wakeup call from that special person because my mood wasn’t okay the last night.

When I sit to write my blog and just can’t stop typing.

When I see that big smile on my Auntie’s face, after meeting her after years.

When I have a bowl full of ice cream.

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When that someone special calls me at night just to make sure I have a sound sleep.

When I meet my friends in school after a long holiday and have so much to tell them.

When I get a call from my friend and he/she tells to look out of the window as they are standing there just to say hi.

When my brother takes me out for shopping and tell me don’t look at the price tag and buy whatever you want to.

When I play with my father’s hair and doze off while sitting near his leg.

When I talk to a very old friend and seems as if nothing has changed in so many years.

When someone tries to make me smile as I’m upset of some reason.

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My list seems never ending. I am glad I have such wonderful people in my life who make my life worth living. Achi wali feeling aati hai.

Just remember one thing, we are humans, we have 50% happy and 50% sad times. So live life to your fullest because no matter what you can’t escape anything what life has in store for you..

Special.

You. Yes YOU. Are very special.

Maybe not for the whole world, but who cares. People end up finding their small little world in one person.

There are so many things people do for us to make US feel special. But most of the time we actually don’t value it.

Today I got up in the morning, was twisting and turning on my bed and suddenly my phone vibrates. I see three to four messages filling my inbox. All had good wishes in them so that I have a good day. I didn’t even realise that I was already smiling.

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I got ready for school, went down to the car and looked up at the window to have a glimpse of my mother as she everyday gives me a flying kiss before I leave for school. But, she wasn’t there as she was down with fever. Suddenly I realised everyday she used to take out those 10 seconds from her life to make ME feel special. And now when I didn’t have it, I realised it’s importance.

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Every morning I walk up stairs to my class. During this time I meet a lot of people on my way up, people wave, smile, say hi, etc. But once I reach my class there is always this one person sitting there who every day asks me about my life and that is it smooth or not. Here goes another attempt to make me feel special. But I just ignore her because I’m too tired climbing up the stairs. I know. Bad me. 😦

I was sitting in the class and texting my new friend. He wanted to walk up the stairs with me so that we could have a small conversation. Even when we were talking to each other without a break from the past 2 days. That little effort made my heart skip a beat. 🙂

The hug that Shivika gave me when I was about to break was out of the world. No one could have made me feel any better at that time leaving her. 🙂

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All those messages I receive after I get back are not sent because people are bored, but because they just missed me. 🙂

I hugged my mother after my dinner and realised she is going to fast for me tomorrow. For ME 🙂 Though I don’t believe in much of all this. But the feeling was great. I felt special. 🙂

I just gave all the events a thought and realised that I am not the one who is special or extra ordinary, people in my lives make my life worth living.

Thank you everyone out there who has made an effort to make me smile. It has always made a difference and will always do. 🙂

We are not special. People in our lives make us feel special. 🙂

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