Category Archives: Wait
You seem distant,
But not gone.
To endless conversations at night,
Which used to last till dawn.
The longing to hear your voice,
Comes to my mind now and then.
Such posts remind me of you,
Asking me our next meeting is when.
The answer to this question,
Is as lost as it can be.
But the heart hopes for sure,
That the time is not too far to see.
(Some relations are beyond anyone’s understanding.)
Sitting beside the window,
Gazing at the night sky.
All I can think about him,
And do is cry.
The laughter in his voice,
The smoothness of his skin.
Longingness to meet him,
Never seems to end.
He’s lying there on his bed,
Thinking about everything but me.
Here I’m missing him so much,
The old photos are the only thing I can see.
He seems happy in his life,
With friends and family around.
Did I not make a difference,
When I was there all along?
Doesn’t he miss my smell,
My smile, my voice?
The excitement around him,
The way I miss his smile?
Little can I understand,
When I’m drowned in all this emotion.
Wish he was here to help,
To comfort me from all this commotion.
Nothing seems enough,
Because he is not here.
All I want is to jump to the place,
Where he is home there.
There is not much that I want,
Just one sign of care.
Or that one sign,
That I mattered.
Is it too much to ask,
From my love?
But what can I say,
When I myself am in discomfort.
Happiness is long due,
It is time for it to come.
Hope is the only string I’ve held,
That is keeping me in sense.
Log kehte hai “Pyaar dosti hai”. Ki agar woh meri sabse achi dost nahi ban sakti toh main usse kabhi pyaar kar hi nahi sakta.
Par, mere liye “Dosti pyaar hai”. Ki agar main usse sabse zayada pyaar nahi karti toh woh mera sabse acha dost kaise hoga.
Beetein waqt ko sudhar nahi sakti.
Joh gum diya tha usse bhula nahi sakti.
Ab joh sambhali hoon thori si,
Tum se yeh duri badha nahi kar sakti.
Never longed to meet someone so much. Never longed to meet him so much. The recurring thought of running towards him and giving him a *tight* hug never seems to tire my mind.
Yeh waqt cheez hi aisi hai,
Joh itna intezar karvati hai.
Dil ko sambhalna ho jata hai mushkil,
Yeh itna usse machla joh deti hai.
Time and perception play a fun game with us. Time remains constant but the perception of time enjoys messing our heads up. Time seems to pass by with a blink of an eye when we want it to be slow so that we can enjoy every single moment. But sometimes it’s so slow that one second feels like a lifetime when you want it to pass by within a flick made the finger.
Khushi joh tumse mil kar hoti hai,
Woh tum kya jaano.
Dil mein sab chupane ki koshish rehti hai.
Par yeh aankhe dhoka dena se Peeche kabhi nahi hati hai.
The eyes reveal what the heart tries to hide. The smile on my face also doesn’t stay back to tell all about my cries. You have a way to look right through me, like an open book I’m to you. Read me again, till you’ve known everything. The darkest of fears, the brightest of ideas. ‘Cause it keeps missing you like you would miss your coffee in the milk.
I lie down on my bed every night before I sleep… take out my phone and look at your picture. I stare at that beautiful smile and keep wondering what went wrong? What went so wrong that things became difficult between us? That what happened to you? What happened that you became like this? And every single night I blame myself for all of it.
I close my eyes and remember every single moment I spent with you. Sometimes it feels like it was yesterday when we used to pour our hearts into those simple words, but sometimes it feels another life time, when I look back at the times nothing could go wrong or no one could ever come between us.
Every night I sleep, I tell myself that I’ll be the girl who meant so much to you, the next morning I get up and all the next morning I get up. But the moment I talk to you, the coldness inside you feels so strong that my warm heart breaks in front of it.
I keep hoping that one day or someday you’ll come back. You’ll be the friend you always were. The one, who used to shower all his love and affection over this little girl, but that day, goes on distancing from me the moment I feel it’s almost here.
It feels so right to be with you, to have you around all the time, but at the same time it even feels so wrong when I place it in my reality. It’s like you are there and still seems like we are miles apart.
I feel that I have to compete with all your friends because they always seem to so better than me in any aspect you pick up. Things become even more difficult when I don’t even know where do I even stand in your life or do I even mean anything to you or my presence even makes the slightest difference in your life.
The worst question of all is the one that keeps killing me from inside, is that do I still have the power to make you smile…?
I don’t care what people think about you and me. You are my friend and I’m proud of this fact. That doesn’t mean I’ll go on telling stuff about you to people. That just means that I’ll proudly accept that you are my friend and expect you to do the same. It doesn’t mean that we’ll break each other’s trust. It just means we won’t care what people have to say about our friendship. I don’t want to care about other people’s reactions. I don’t want this friendship to be a secret. We both know there is nothing to hide then why behave in front of people that we don’t know each other? All I want us to be like normal friends. I don’t want boundaries or conditions or restrictions in our friendship.
Accepting our friendship in front of everyone and telling people about is two very different things. The last thing I want is to hide something. You are a part of my reality. Why are we running away from this fact? Please don’t mistake it by me going on telling people about us, revealing our secrets or anything. All I want is to be accepted. I don’t want to think twice before starting a conversation with you in public or maybe commenting on your Facebook photo. I just want it to be normal, simple.
It is not about people, it’s just about the two of us and the freedom of our friendship. Why does the situation have to be so complicated? Why does it have to be so difficult to even tell you ‘Hi!’ in front of two people? Why do I always have to find another way to get to you so that none of your friends see us talking? Why can’t we be like normal friends? It is not that I want to show off our friendship. It is just that I don’t want you to think what others have to say if I come up and talk to you or what they have to say if they see our friendship on a social website.
Why do you think so much? Why do you have to think to such an extent that you make things difficult for both of us? At times you should just go with the flow and let life show you what is in store for you. We can’t control everything that happens to us.. Can we?
I seriously don’t know how explain you what I want. But I really hope you understand what I mean to say, like you always do. And not end up judging me.
Emotions. Feelings. It feels good when you have them in you, but it sure can mess up everything in your life. The moment when everything in your life seems to be normal but yet messed up. The feeling when you think no one in your life understands you. You can’t even explain your friends what you are going through. Even if they understand you perfectly, you don’t seem satisfied.
All you want to do is sit and cry your heart out because you can no more bare the pain, the feeling. You feel like shouting out loud at that one person for whom you feel so deeply. You feel like telling him each and everything, that you feel for him and how intense it is. How difficult it is to stay like, just friends. But you know he won’t be able to take it. He is scared of commitment, can’t take decisions in his life. And you know you cannot afford losing him. You are just tired of convincing yourself that you’ll get through this. That something is better than nothing. You can actually feel that emptiness in your stomach when you miss him. You start acting weird and irritated because there are too many feelings piling up inside you and you have no idea what to do. Your mind and your heart is going in total opposite directions.
You start taking deep breaths to calm yourself down. Your heart is aching to explode. You think of giving him a call, thinking that if you hear his voice it might help you to calm down, but it is next to impossible to keep up a conversation with him.
You rush to your mother to give her a tight hug, knowing it is the safest place in the whole world and tears roll down your eyes. But you somehow manage to hide them. She asks you what is wrong as your body has suddenly become so hot. You have no words to explain what you are going through.
You avoid looking at his photographs as it becomes impossible to control yourself, your emotions. You know he is not ready to listen to what you want to say even after he knows exactly how you feel for him. You lie down on your bed; listen to a slow song, which kind of worsens your condition at that time. But then slowly and slowly your heart gets back to its normal speed, you feel tired and go off to sleep. Because that’s the only thing you can do to get away from reality.
Once you get up, you have all the courage in the world to face all kinds of situations in your life. And you know that the only thing that keeps you going is YOU yourself. You have to wait. You know he is worth waiting for. Even if it kills you from inside, you know he is worth it, worth all your time.
Feel like giving up? On your relationship? On him?
Think for a second, why did you hold on to him for soo long.. It is not that you did not spend good times together. There were special moments which made your heart skip a beat. The current that rushes through your body when both of you make sure you look at each other no matter how crowded the place is. All the morning wake up calls just to make YOU feel special. Him being the last person to tell you good night. Making sure that you have a sound sleep. Suddenly telling you ‘Hi!’ just to light up your face. Giving you that small smile so that you have a good day, knowing the fact that he rarely smiles.
How can you give up on everything that he has made you feel? All the long conversations over the phone, ignoring all the other calls, he spoke to YOU. Not having text balance and still talking to you day and night. Making you feel that you are right beside him, every minute, every second of his life.
Sharing all his problems with you even when he didn’t open up in front of all his so called friends. Telling you everything with such immense emotion filled in every word he spoke. Being like a total kid so that YOU have a day worth living, so that you get up with a smile on your face. He listened to all your problems without being judgemental, even when you cried because of your ex. Knowing the fact that it kills him inside when you get bothered because of silly reasons.
Getting furious at you because you didn’t sleep properly or didn’t have your meals on time. Remembering every little thing you told him. Even when his life is messed up, he makes sure you are not tensed. Even when he feels like giving up on you because you acted like a total jerk at times. He still sticks to you. And just because he has taken a back seat, you feel like giving up?
He gave you the best of everything, even himself. When now he is at his worse doesn’t he deserve you to stick to him? How selfish can people be.
Get mad at him when he annoys you, cry when he hurts you, but don’t forget to love him when he needs you. He will never tell you that he needs you, he’ll push you away. But understand his silence. Stay with him even if it annoys him. Because you know that your support helps him get through all the problems he has to face in his life.
I know at times you can’t handle him, but just remember that he has always stood by you and now it’s your time to be there for him.. Make him feel that this world isn’t that bad and love still exists..